Why I Choose Easy Because of Lupus

Have you heard of choosing your hard? People usually frame it in a way where either direction is hard (such as marriage or divorce) and you have to pick one. Well, I didn’t get to decide about living with lupus so I have decided I’m going to choose easy.

I don’t mean choosing the easy way out – there’s no negative connotation here for me. Choosing easy means doing what’s easiest on my body or my brain. This keeps me safe and healthy, even if my choices look different.

What does it look like to choose easy?

The phrase stuck out to me one day while driving home. I was fatigued and wanted to find the easiest route. I wanted a way home that wasn’t too complicated or stressful. Because I was tired and hurting, I didn’t feel up to making tough maneuvers. My body needed all the green left-turn arrows and straightaways but none of the merging or high-speed driving that causes further tax. So I ended up driving a roundabout way home. It took a little longer, but the drive was slow and easy. My youngest son, a backseat driving question extraordinaire, wanted to know why.

I explained that this route requires less fast decision making. It lowers my risk of an accident and helps conserve energy. “But why, Mama?” Indeed, why is it so important that I’m cautious with every move I make?

Because I’ve learned the hard way that going hard does in fact mean I have to go home.

Taking the easy way with lupus means leaving room in my schedule for rest. It also requires asking people to regularly help me. I cannot overcommit. Finally, choosing easy means missing out on some things and not having a very clean house.

But by doing all of these things to choose easy, I can maintain my ability to keep going overall. If I’m running on easy, then I’ll ultimately have more energy for myself and my family. Running on hard, however, drives me into the ground.

Lupus is quick to remind me why I need easy

Friends recently invited me to an event that is really special to me. I usually can't attend, but this time I could. I was overjoyed to be able to head out for a cherished get together with friends.

Leaving early for the event made me feel independent. Being there, surrounded by people I love, filled me with gratitude. We made the most of our time together. However, while it was no surprise that the event went an hour longer than expected, the extra time left me stiff and exhausted. The exuberance and adrenaline from the morning created a false confidence that I’d be fine doing just a little bit more. I wanted to go full steam ahead.

Not quite two hours later, I felt the all-consuming “lupus sickness” taking over my body. Nausea set in, and I had trouble speaking. My husband knew that once I get to this point, I’ve just about lost control of the ship. He took over caring for our kids and home. I was unable to recover from overdoing it. I spent a rather delirious and difficult afternoon and evening in bed because my body seems to partially shut down whenever I push too hard.

Why do I have to keep learning this lesson?

What struck me the most about this experience was that it really didn’t take much to push me over the edge. It was just a few hours with friends. Many of them spent the rest of the day out and about with their families afterward without difficulty. Sometimes it hurts so see how hard and different my life is from others.

My line between easy and hard looks drastically different from most of my peers. And unfortunately, it seems to be on the move – sometimes cutting me off when I thought I had a little more time.

The pull of hope

What keeps me grasping for more when I know I'm pushing it? Hope drives me. I want so much for my life. My heart yearns for joy, for fun, for friendship, and for the chance to keep doing things I love. This causes me, from time to time, to push back against my traditional habit of going slow and easy. The turtle wins the race in the end, but sometimes I think the hare has a whole lot more fun.

Like everything else with lupus, balance is key. I may go down hard now and again, but in between I remember to be easy on my body. This ensures we can ultimately make it further down the road together.

What are some things you do to choose easy?